I'd like to say that I believe dreaming is important and every time I see or hear a beautiful performance or speech, I'm inspired and believe I can do anything!...for a while. Sometimes I forget and start to feel the heaviness, stress, and monotony of every day responsibilities. I forget that dreaming rejuvenates me. When I'm in a place of hope, dreams, and possibilities, the menial tasks seem lighter, even exciting, and difficult tasks are a little easier. When there is something to look forward to everything changes. I'm happier, I want to make others happy. I love myself more, I love others more. I even smile folding the laundry and lightheartedly do piles of stinky dishes. Dreaming makes life meaningful.
One of my childhood dreams, that I revisit from time to time, is to do a variety show performing with my family. I come from a big family with a lot of musical talent. I grew up listening to and watching tv recordings and performances of River Dance, the Celtic Singers, the Vienna Boys Choir, the Swingle Singers, the Duttons, (a big family with a show in Branson Missouri), Voice Male, and of course the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square every Sunday. We would watch plays and movies like The Fiddler on the Roof , The Sound of Music, Newsies, and 7 brides for 7 brothers. Every year's family reunion involved a talent show, and every Christmastime was filled with caroling to family, neighbors, and friends. When we were old enough to sit still, we could even join the ward choir. My whole life I've been surrounded by and enjoyed all things musical.
I joined the middle school choir then in high school my love of music really bloomed. I'd watched my 5 older siblings choir concerts and my parents singing in the community Messiah my whole life so when it was my turn, I joined every choir the high school had, from beginners girl's glee, to the Madrigal performing choir as well as joining with my parents to sing in the Messiah. Not only did I have THE MOST AMAZING choir teacher that ever lived, Mrs. Adrianne Tawa, but I loved the experiences of performing, traveling, and competing in state Solo & Ensembles. I even sang a solo national anthem for one of our high school basketball games!
After high school I went to Snow College on a full ride scholarship and a smaller music scholarship. I thought "this is it, the culmination of my life's work, college choirs here I come! This is going to be most amazing experience of my life!"
I didn't make it into the performing institute choir, which I thought was pretty cheesy at the time. I guess that reflected in the auditions, oops. The choir that I made it into was very...academic? No emotion, no inspiration, no connection, no joy, only singing notes. I felt far from euphoric and little more than crushed. For that reason, or a culmination of all the unprepared for pressures, anxieties, and responsibilities of adult life I experienced at this time,...I stopped singing and performing. After all, these were the optional classes that weren't "necessary" for my degree anyway.
After college, and adding in marriage and babies, I found how unique of a time and setting a school campus life is in juxtaposition to the "outside world" when it comes to music. It was no longer easy to up and join a choir, at least one with a high quality vocal performing experience I hope for, without searching for, and paying high dollar amounts to a vocal coach for lessons or being a super organized, time managed, high energy-d, go-getter-leader who took it upon herself to organize practices, book venues, and advertise for concerts.
I guess when overlooking the life since "the musical glory days of back when", I've done the best I could do with the circumstances and knowledge I had. I've enjoyed practicing the piano and held church pianist callings, I sang a solo once for a ward Christmas musical sacrament meeting, and did join a community choir a couple different times, in a couple different states. I also constantly sing to and with my children, and the world outside. To the dog, cat, chickens, guineas, and wildlife. I think the Cow's in the fields around our house enjoy a little music. Inside, I sing to the baskets of laundry, the sink full of dishes, and the stinky garbage can. I still enjoy concerts, performances, and other's talents in the arts.
...What were we talking about again? Oh yes, the variety show, haha! I have so many excuses as to why I don't think it could happen. My siblings have families of their own to spend their time on now or are off adventuring in other ways. There are excuses of things I lack; energy, prioritization skills, money, time management skills, guts to make it happen. Sometimes the seed dream of belief awakens in my soul and I think of all the beautiful musical talent waiting to erupt into the world and I get so EXCITED! My family is so big and so varied, and now with in-laws, we have a culmination of skills that more than makes up for the skills I lack! We could do this thing! What am I waiting for?
